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The Gay "Lifestyle"

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By JustWill [Ignore] 28,May,16 16:52   Pageviews: 171

For years, I have heard the phrase “The Gay Lifestyle” tossed around. Usually, it is used in a condescending or derogatory fashion.

Here’s what I don’t get:

I am gay.

My partner, Ryan, is also gay.

He and I have been in a loving, monogamous relationship for over twenty years.

We live together in a modest, two bedroom home on three acres of partly wooded land in a rural community very near to where I grew up.

He and I are both English teachers for the same school district, though he works at the middle school and I am at the high school.

We don’t discuss sex, our relationship, or our sexuality in the classroom or with our students. We focus on language, literature, writing and learning—subjects which are appropriate to the setting.

With the exception of a few trusted individuals (and some administrators), most of our work colleagues are not aware of our relationship. We aren’t keeping it secr*t, it just isn’t their business.

Ryan and I “came out” to both of our families shortly after we knew that our relationship was going to be “the one”. My family was warm, welcoming and accepting; they love Ryan and have embraced him with open arms.

His family has mostly disowned him and they h@te my guts. This makes him sad, and me incredibly sad for him, but we deal with it.

Ryan and I do not frequent bars. We have a small circle of wonderful friends—of varied genders, ethnicities, and orientations—whom we cherish, and we much prefer socializing with them in their homes, or at ours, as often as possible.

My partner and I have no interest in fashion. Faded blue jeans, T-shirts and comfortable sneakers comprise our wardrobe of choice.

Our home is decorated to be comfortable, not stylish.

Neither of us has ever owned (or worn) a pair of assless chaps or a leather jockstrap.

I am a comic book geek. Ryan is a movie fanatic.

We are both voracious readers. My partner loves horror novels. I go nuts for swords and sorcery style fantasy fiction.

I collect blades, he collects film posters. Our favorite examples of each adorn the walls of our home.

In my spare time, I write as a hobby. The love of my life relaxes by doing wood-crafting. Much of the furniture in our home was crafted by Ryan in his workshop/shed.

We keep and tend a small vegetable garden in our backyard. I like asparagus, my guy prefers brussel sprouts. We agree, however, that tomatoes fresh out of the garden are magnificent.

He and I are not partiers. Family holiday, birthday, anniversary, and wedding celebrations—along with small gatherings of our close friends-- are the extent of our “wild” social life.

And backyard barbecues. We both like our steaks and burgers cooked to medium rare.

We don't do recreational drugs, but enjoy good beer in moderation. Ryan likes an occasional glass of wine. I'm allergic to the stuff.

Once a month, my man and I host a Dungeons and Dragons game night at our place for our five D&D enthusiast friends. I introduced Ryan to the game shortly after we met in college. We are both avid fans, and D&D night is always a blast.

On the subject of college, we met in an acting class and our friendship/romance blossomed while performing together in quite a number of campus theater productions. We share a deep love of the Theater, but don’t get to see as many shows as we would like.

On vacations, we love to go camping and hiking. The woods are relaxing and awe inspiring.

We share our home with a Jack Russell Terrier who is a much loved and valued member of our family. He is treated like a dog (though a spoiled one), however, and not as our “ch1ld”.

Ryan and I are the go-to babysitters for my nieces and nephews and for the kids of many of our friends. We love spending time with them and view the job as an honor and a privilege.

On occasion, we argue and disagree—like any other couple who share a dwelling and a life—but, for the vast majority of the time, Ryan and I are each other’s best friend and favorite companion. He is my rock, sounding board, and my biggest fan, and I fill the same roles for him. With great pleasure and the deepest affection.

We are equals in all ways, and make decisions through discussion and negotiation.

Ryan and I trust each other completely and support each other without question.

There is no “top” or “bottom” in our relationship. We have a lot of really great sex, and we just go where the mood takes us at any given time.

We work hard at our jobs, love spending time with our friends and family, and value our time with each other, our companionship and bond, above all things.

When the day is done, we share more than just a bed—-we share a LIFE and a deep, passionate and respectful LOVE.

So, I’m gay.

That’s my “lifestyle”.

What’s the big fucking deal?

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Comments:
By tecsan [Ignore] 28,Nov,20 03:06
Think your lifestyle is great and am happy for both of you...To each his own choice...I respect that and so should others...I think it is wonderful that you two are happy together...
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By kebmo [Ignore] 11,Nov,16 04:12
So what you're saying is that you're people? Holy cow, real people AND gay?

I'm saddened that Ryan's family doesn't accept your relationship. How about his sibling's klds? Are they being taught bad lessons by their (lack of) exposure to the two of you? I've never been in a relationship with a guy but if that does happen I have faith that my family would welcome him with open arms and a couple of my nieces might give me the same response as your slster gave you.
At the risk of sounding like a total bonehead....I have always wondered if gay couples, male or female, who happen to be the same physical size share clothes.
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 11,Nov,16 14:25
Yep--we're just people. Odd, no?
Ryan's younger s1ster, the only member of his family that has been accepting of our relationship and with whom we maintain close contact, has a son and a daughter. They are both great k1ds, and Ryan and I see them often, His br0thers' offspring have been raised to think/feel as their fathers do. Sadly, we hardly know them at all.
Ryan and I do share shirts occasionally. He's a bit taller than I am, though, so we can't share pants.


By #484576 [Ignore] 06,Nov,16 07:28
Thank you for sharing. It's truly amazing and I'm so very glad I got to read it. For the joy it brings to my heart and the level of hope it gives me. Thank you again. - NK
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 06,Nov,16 11:45
Thank you for the kind comment. It makes me happy to hear that my post brought a bit of happiness and hope to you!


By Gary5 [Ignore] 02,Jul,16 12:38
That is so cool
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 02,Jul,16 12:39
Thank you!


By sherryann [Ignore] 31,May,16 21:27
This is so beautiful JustWill! I would love this life with the person I am in love with! Who wouldn't? Thanks for sharing.
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 01,Jun,16 00:32
Thank you, sherryann.
I have, indeed, been blessed to have Ryan in my life.
By sherryann [Ignore] 05,Jun,16 17:02
that's wonderful JustWill.


By #460523 [Ignore] 01,Jun,16 21:22
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 01,Jun,16 22:08
Thanks!


By Bottimmy [Ignore] 29,May,16 04:47
I am gay myself. I don't advertise it. Like you I think it is my personal business. A lot of people think about the flaming gay lifestyle like being depicted in Hollywood movies or what they see on the news in San Francisco. A lot of people don't think that gay people are normal. Personally I am a NASCAR fan. I like doing yard work. I only have a few people who know I am gay. Most people will never know and it's none of there business. It's the perception of media, film and outdated religious views that foment hatred against gay people.
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 29,May,16 08:22
A vocal and flamboyant minority get the attention, and that's what everyone thinks being gay is like.


By bella! [Ignore] 29,May,16 01:04
You seem to have the perfect life with the exception of Ryan's side of the family. Is Ryan an only ch¡ld? Regardless, my assumption is that it's not about you, it's that his parents have not accepted his orientation. That's so sad and narrow minded, a 20 year friendship/romance is commendable and I bet that there are a number of hetero couples who cannot claim that milestone.

I've admired you for the longest time, justlookin, JustWill, TheUnicorn and back to JustWill. It is apparent that you have the relationship that many people strive for.
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 29,May,16 01:12
Ryan has two br0thers, one older and one younger, and a younger s1ster. She is the only one who keeps in contact with him.

Having Ryan to share my life with has been the most wonderful blessing. It hasn't always been easy--nothing that truly matters ever is. But--we have stuck by each other for richer and poorer, in sickness and health, for better and for worse, in good times and bad--and it has just made us stronger.

I don't want to brag, but my guy fuckin' ROCKS!!!
By bella! [Ignore] 29,May,16 02:00
My initial thought was that his parents were worried about not having grandch¡ldren and/or the family name not being passed on. Have you given them reason to dislike you or would they disapprove of any male he would be with? Life is too short to be miserable they should feel that they've done their job and that he's happy, in a committed relationship that is loving, passionate and respectful. What more could a parent hope for?
By JustWill [Ignore] 29,May,16 02:19
Apparently, they can hope that their son isn't "a disgusting faggot" (his father's words, not mine.)
Until Ryan told them the truth about us, his family treated me like one of them. I practically lived at there house during our last year of college. They feel that I betrayed them and took advantage of their trust to lure their boy down the wrong path.
By bella! [Ignore] 29,May,16 05:18
I'm confused. Was his family aware of your orientation?
By JustWill [Ignore] 29,May,16 08:20
Not until we told them. The same is true for my family. It's possible that they suspected (My s!ster's reaction when I "came out" to her was: "Well...d'uh."), but I was extremely discrete about my sexuality. Remember, he and I were only around 23 when we told our families. We'd both dated girls from time to time (before we became a couple), and Ryan and I are not stereotypical "gay" by appearance or behavior. We were just regular guys...who hung out together a lot and shared an apartment.


By admin [Ignore] 28,May,16 19:17
Replace the second guy with a girl and this is a lifestyle that almost any straight guy would dream of. Well, at least I would

But let me take a wild guess here. Except for the gay part what you describe is a lifestyle of [upper-?] middle class well educated, independent and critically thinking people with healthy passions and interests. Proles do not get it but in the same time envy it and therefore often h@te it even if they don't admit it. So possibly this cause them to mark it as "gay lifestyle" in subconscious attempt to degrade it, even not necessarily that people who have this lifestyle are actually gay. They may as well apply the same to the straight people having this lifestyle.
Reply
By JustWill [Ignore] 28,May,16 20:11
Thanks for commenting, Admin!

You guessed pretty well. We are more middle-middle class (teachers don't make bundles of money, but we live comfortably), but the rest is on target

(I make it a habit to send a "smile" gift to anyone who comments on one of my blogs. Just a small Thank You for them taking the time to let me know they read my post. I sent one to you, too. Just didn't want you to see it and think I was trying to suck-up to the guy who runs the place. )
By admin [Ignore] 28,May,16 20:36
Yeh, this is the reason I rarely involve myself into conversations here. Almost every time some tensions of the kind you mention arise. Some people afraid to argue with me, some start to "suck up" as you say and some are afraid it would look like they sucking up


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