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M2M profile connundrum: "A bottom seeking a top"

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By mikeinaz [Ignore] 06,Feb,19 14:04   Pageviews: 144

On m2m hook-up websites if you peruse through a large number of the profiles, you'll discover a glaring statistical paradox:
It seems that by a LARGE margin, men list themselves a 'bottom' in search of a 'top', whereas far fewer say they are a 'top' in search of a 'bottom'.

Clearly this big imbalance poses an uphill battle for hooking up if you claim to be a 'bottom', –and even more so if you go on and on in your profile about how you want to throw your legs up and 'get ravished real good' by some unknown stallion.

Here's a message I got from an unknown admirer on one of these websites:

"Wow, you are so hot! I really hope we can get together!"

–Nice words to get. So I check out his profile:

"Learning the joys of man-to-man sex after far too many years of denying myself. It's all coming to me now [at 65], all the fulfillments of pleasing a man as his bottom and of pleasing myself in the process. I've had only a few encounters, but enough to teach me how much more I want to experience.
–he continues–
I need touch, compassion, passionate kisses, nipple play..and a man who knows how to take his partner completely when the time is right. I am ready to give. Discretion is a must, but when trust has been established, you will find me open to the moment, holding nothing back."

Disappointed once again, but wanting to be helpful, I write him back:

"Your desire to get together is flattering, but not very realistic since you live in New England and I live in Arizona. But I do hope you meet some guys in your area:-)
Btw, reading your profile, I think to myself:

Every newly enlightened middle-aged guy seems to seek the same thing at this point in history:

To lie back with his legs up and 'allow' a 'top' guy to
1) take the reins.
2) tend to his dick.
3) fuck his ass.
4) tend to his nipples, etc. etc.

–in other words, basically do all the work.

I don't think being the 'bottom' in M2M sex necessarily means that you are actively 'pleasing' the top, ....unless being the 'top' just means to lie back and get pleasured."

To this he responded: "I am willing to give, too."
–and I wrote back:

"Good! And 'exactly how' is what you need to write about in your profile if you want to attract more men's attention;-)

Consider some tweaks so that it tells the reader more about what YOU want to ACTIVELY DO so he gets what he's craving, too. –I mean besides the 'pleasure' of your permission for him to get on top of you and pump for YOUR enjoyment as a passive receiver. Teens and twenty-somethings might get ravished this way, but there comes a point...

Just consider that a large percent of men in our age group (or younger) are also in your exact same shoes: new to m2m sex, probably married for years and long saddled with the societally assigned duty of being the heavy lifter for his wife's pleasure.
Your potential male partner ALSO wants to experience a break from always being the initiator, performer, provider, and pleaser while the wife takes it all in –and maybe grants him a blow job, if she's in the right mood.

What's more, most gents of a certain age no longer feel anywhere near as confident about being the rock-hard stud that they once did. I think this is another reason why so many list themselves as a 'bottom'.

So, unless getting plugged is the ONLY thing you're interested in getting out of a new sexual encounter, don't put a heavy burden on guys right up front in your profile before you even have a chance to meet. Put less performance demands on a first date, have more frequent experiences, and see where things naturally go.

By demonstrating that you want to be the other dude's equal in the ways I've mentioned, and that you are willing to "take the reins" as often as you expect the same of him, your profile will stand out as accessible and appealing.
This also means stating in your profile that you are 'versatile' not just one more 'bottom'.

My suggestions are only meant as positive and caring, and in no way as a wish to be an asshole or to hurt your feelings;-)"

Thank you for reading, my SYD buddies.
I hope you'll share your own thoughts and opinions..

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Comments:
By onthelose [Ignore] 06,Mar,19 23:37
It just seems unfair that men are sex starved. I suppose most of that is self imposed. Aren't all men as horny as I am all the time. Why is it so hard to hook up with a sane person. Well woman and sane don't necessarily go hand and hand in my experience.
Reply
By mikeinaz [Ignore] 22,Apr,19 13:34
It's unfair that ANYONE should be sex-starved, whether male or female or anything in between.

We need better ways to talk about not only what we want to RECEIVE, but ALSO what we are willing to GIVE to please a partner. This website is one great step in that direction in that it shows that none of us is so far 'different' from everyone else that we need to hide in the dark.

Unfortunately, I think that for all the good it does to open up the subject of sex, a website like this does NOT do much to promote real physical contact...
Online masturbation is great, but it cannot come close to the fulfillment of physical human contact. Sadly, habitually getting off online just continually 'drains off' the 'steam' we need to actually push through the fears, anxieties and rejection inherent in going out and physically meeting someone.

I wish that this website had a better system of pinpointing people's physical locations (if they want to give that info), and a better system of finding others within a given physical distance and with compatible needs.
By trim1963 [Ignore] 30,Jun,19 18:09
Hey mate, I have had now had 3 hook ups from being on here. they had their location. I just looked up members area and sort of narrowed it down to location. But yes a lot don't put their location, their loss I say.

I am versatile as love to try things out, like to accommodate the other persons needs.
By mikeinaz [Ignore] 12,Feb,20 11:03
Wow.. thanks for posting that! It's heartening to hear that some people have success making physical contact via syd. It gives others hope! ...I've reached out with 'honest flattery' to a few men withing reasonable driving range, but so far, no luck. ...but I'm a bit rural out here between Phoenix and Tucson..


By Anon3456 [Ignore] 06,Feb,19 17:49
I think more and more are sex starved and just looking to get there rocks off. That's why there less emotion and more desperation involved. This is the case with gay, straight and bi men. It's just what I have noticed and comports with what you're saying
Reply
By mikeinaz [Ignore] 09,Feb,19 18:07
Thanks for your comment.. and I suspect you're right


By onthelose [Ignore] 06,Feb,19 15:26
I completely agree with what you say. This has been my experience when it comes to not only men but women. Who seem to think that your job is to get them off without any effort on their part, especially vocalizing about what works and what doesn't. One thing I have found is there are an overwhelming number of men who are simply looking for a cum dump . No conversation just get on your knees and get me off, I have other things to do!!
Reply
By mikeinaz [Ignore] 06,Feb,19 16:15
And I hear what you say, onthelose. Sadly, starting at a certain age it becomes a game of diminishing returns for all of us and there's not much that can be done about it.

But again to your point: Yeah, some people are afflicted with the "I'm god's greatest gift to creation syndrome, so ask me no questions. Just get down there and do your job, peon." I guess this approach works on those who have no self-worth and believe they're supposed to grovel. (Unfortunately, I can't get off by being on either side of such an equation.)

Others are just lousy, unthinking communicators: It's childlike and animal-intuitive to just whine out loud about what you need from some complete stranger, but much more enticing to put on the line what kind of goodies you're willing to help that person get out of the deal.


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