I am the king of knockbacks!

"If anybody else tells me what I already know, I'll run up the wall."

This is a put-down I came out with myself when I went to a party a couple of years or so ago. I got caught in a heavy rainstorm and had forgotten my umbrella, when I arrived, the host said: "you're soaked." I went into the kitchen and a guest said: "you're soaked." I went upstairs and another guest said: "you're soaked" so I let fly with that retort. Fortunately, nobody else said the same thing so I didn't have to run up the wall and as it was a gay nudist party I was able to take my clothes off and let them dry over a radiator.

This one is attributed to Groucho Marx:-

"I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception."

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"A night out with that old trout? I'd rather have a wet weekend in Chalfont St. Giles."

Jeeves to Wooster by P.G. Wodehouse

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"Is there any beginning to your talent?"

Clive Anderson to Jeffrey Archer

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"Vile, the worst of British values posing as the best."

Alastair Campbell on "The Daily Mail" newspaper, NOT the voice of reason it so smugly considers itself to be.

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"Dear Ingrid. Speaks five languages and can't act in any of them."

Sir John Gielgud on Ingrid Bergman

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"Go count your dick" is one of my favorites.

Heard this on the tele the other night............If I had your face I'd be ashamed!

"I hope your butt grows shut"