I recently created a poll asking whether members see themselves as a Top, a Bottom, or Versatile, and figured that I would post a companion topic in the Forum in case anyone wished to expand upon their answer.
Because I find it annoying when members start this type of thread but don't share their own info or story, I'll start:
I am, and always have been, completely and happily Versatile when it comes to guy/guy sex. (My long time partner is too, so it works out very well for both of us!)
It all depends on my mood at the time, and what my partner wants during any given encounter.
So far, the poll indicates that the majority of voters see themselves as Bottoms. That's not what I was expecting.
I'm not sure why is that. May be good tops are naturally rare or may be they just don't need to use internet. It's logical to assume that since they are tops they probably behave same way in life, not just in sex and therefore can find all pussy/dick they want without announcements in internet. I assume they just walk, occasionally see what they like and immediately pursue and in most cases get it, since they are probably convincing and look assuring. Otherwise they would not be good tops.
It's kinda hard to explain my logic. You see, in life most of us are either passive and serving or aggressive and command other people (or at least try). I'm simplifying now, of course. This in some way should affect our sex life. When you are straight and a man you don't really have much options other than penetrate and possess. But I SUPPOSE when you are gay you can chose your role and if you are serving and passive in life I think you would choose a passive role, rather than active. I may be wrong, indeed.
And I do not mean this as a strict rule, I mean statistically. I know that some people are completely opposite in sex than they are in life if we are talking about aggressiveness and leadership. But I think this is not typical.
I absolutely deplore the terms "top" and "bottom" and refuse to have either applied to me. As a bona fide old fart (74 years old) I remember the days when flirting was going on and the prospect of a sexual encounter was looming the question "What do you like to do?" was considered tres gauche. The most important factor was the chemistry between the parties involved. It was just presumed that each would have a big enough sexual repertoire that they would find something that was mutually enjoyable. Admittedly, this didn't always happen, but among my thousands of sexual hook-ups the times when there was a total sexual mismatch I could count on the fingers of one hand.
Admittedly, there are some things I like to do better (right now, I ain't sayin' what), but with the right man and under the right circumstances the is very little I wouldn't do. Nowadays, however, every gay man seems compelled to put his preferred sexual position right out there at first meeting. Gentlemen, discretion is the better part of valor.
Which leads to the main reason I dislike those terms. They don't actually apply to my own experience with gay sex. Growing up and experimenting with my sexuality, my much adored pair of sibling lovers and I (they were siblings, and never involved physically with each other, I was just the lucky guy who got to play with them)merely did what felt good, what gave ourselves and each other pleasure, and didn't really question things or assign labels. We only did what we were comfortable with, and never asked each other for things that they weren't willing to do. That attitude has been the one I've carried for my entire life.
I only used "top" and "bottom" in my post because I know that not all gay/bi men see sex the way that I do, and because using the vernacular seemed the easiest way to express the question. Knowing that many guys define themselves by the 'role' they play in bed, I specifically asked how they "see themselves", not how others view them. I was hoping that a few members would discuss why they feel suited to a certain 'category'--mostly because I have always struggled to understand the need to do so.
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