Awakening of My Exhibitionist Urges
(Early 1980s)

I have had exhibitionist tendencies since I was young. In an effort to better understand, I have given much thought to how this developed over the years. My first related memory is from when I was still living in my parent’s house. There was a large window in the upstairs bathroom. It was always uncovered because it was located such that it was not exposed to the neighbors or street. One would have to be on our roof to see in. When taking a bath, I would fantasize that whichever boy I liked at the time was out there watching me. I think this was extra thrilling because of how much it was contrary to my world otherwise. My father was a Presbyterian minister. I was, and considered by all to be, a “good girl”. Over time, I grew to hate this. I so much wanted to shed this reputation.

I had once overheard a guy at school telling his friends that he slept in the nude. At first, I was shocked, but also fascinated. I thought about this a lot. How brave and somehow mature. I built up the courage and started sleeping naked myself. Although usually under the covers, it was quite liberating. I was afraid my mom would discover me – and eventually she did. To my surprise, she did not freak out. See did a double take, but generally ignored it. So, this became something normal in my world.

To this day I sleep in the nude, or sometimes in just my panties. This is likely connected to my always feeling sexiest in the morning. It is the time I feel the most slim and desirable. I almost always pleasure myself before getting out of bed, and I stay there as long as I can. When I do get up, if I don’t have to go anywhere, I likely won’t get dressed at all. I like to do my chores or find fun activities to do naked. It is not difficult. Just the work of everyday life is more enjoyable in the nude.

Just after I began sleeping naked, I would lie in bed until I knew both my parents had left for work, then I would kick off the covers and lay face down, exposed to anyone who may enter the room, although no one did. But I would fantasize about who this could be. At that time, it was usually Tom Selleck – dressed as a cowboy. My most prevalent fantasy is to be roughly taken, from behind. This intruder having his way with me. That can sound a little scary, but not to a girl in the 80s when the intruder is Tom Selleck.

My routine of naked morning chores, etc. was, and still is fun. But like most things people enjoy doing a lot, it can lose its luster after a while, and you must step it up to keep it exciting. This too happened to me. I started to fantasize more about being seen. But I did not want my parents to find out. And if they did, I knew I would need a good story for how this “accidentally” happened. I became determined to bring this fantasy to life.