(A cartoon picture of a doorknob on whatsupcocks's page inspired this.)

Now and then, when I'm naked in the bathroom, I fantasize about bending over just as my wife opens the door quickly, plunging the doorknob into my asshole.

I'd tighten my sphincterial grip on the knob and feign stuckness (stucknicity?), forcing a call for firefighters and EMTs. I'd relish the feel of someone working to detach the knob from the door, then the attention as I'm walked outside to the ambulance. I'd be slightly bent over, more to show off my predicament to the gathering audience than out of any need.

Arriving at the emergency room, I'd be assisted onto a gurney, because obviously a wheelchair wouldn't do. I'd enjoy the reactions of everyone who sees me as I'm wheeled into a treatment room.

I'd hope the doctor would be busy with others so I could remain on display for as long as possible, visible to passersby through a not-quite-closed curtain.

When the attractive (male or female, maybe both) doctor(s) begin working lubricant in around the doorknob. I'd maintain my grip for as long as possible until it's finally pulled from within me with a POP!, revealing my gaping asshole.

I'd be pleasantly surprised by the feel of lubricant being squirted into my hole, then a nurse beginning to massage it back to a state of relaxation.

When she's finished with that, and has dabbed at my leaking precum with a tissue, I'll be cleared to leave. We'll need to go shopping for a new doorknob, and I'll carefully consider shapes before selecting one.

Oh, and throughout that entire "ordeal," my raging erection would be clear evidence that I'm enjoying it all and that I'm a complete pervert.

I want the world to know that.

(I'm going to share this as a blog entry so more people can learn how perverted I am.)