After miscarriage, my opinion about having children changed. I don't want children. I don't want this pressure on me - responsibilities, finances, physical and mental effort, giving up my dreams and and slow life. Additionally, if we had a child, we will move to my parents in-law house. This involves living next door to my in-laws and renovating their house. We have just bought our house and we would sell it and use the money to renovate another house. I don't want to spend the next few years renovating house again. This house will be ours - legally but i'm worried i will never feel free there as we will live with my parents in law and help them when they need as they getting older. I dont want to give up my current life to live on lower standard of life with parents in law. My wife want to move when we have a baby but if we dont have a baby she prefer staying in our current house as it is better standard. My wife doesn't know that I've changed my mind about baby and dont want her to know (I'm scared to admit it). I know that she will understand and accept my decision, but I don't want to feel the pressure in my head that it's because of me that we live the life we live, that it's my fault for depriving my wife of her dreams. I'm a neurotic person and I analyze everything, I worry about everything - it would lead to my mental problems and too much guiltly. I prefer that the lack of children results from the fact that this is how it is - that it doesn't work out for us. It happends - life - we tried but no results. Therefore, to avoid this, i fake orgasms in front of his wife while trying for a baby. she thinks i ejaculate inside her but i dont actually ejaculate, so we don't get pregnant. I feel soo bad knowing that im lying to her, but I don't have the courage to admit that I don't want children anymore. but on the other hand, my mental health and my comfort are also important. and over time, my wife will accept this situation and maybe we will find joy in life without children and in a place we like.