I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. But then it hit me

Boss, “I hear some staff are saying I can be condescending”
Me, “Err, wel”
Boss, “that means I talk down to you”

Me, “My credit card was declined at the sweater store”
Wife, “what did you do?”
Me, “I asked if they would try my cardigan!”

Think I know what you mean.

It’s a 5-minute walk from my house to the pub.
It’s a 30-minute walk back from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering!

Mate, “My folded paper plane won’t fly”
Me, “It won’t, it’s stationary”
Mate, “oh well what else can I use”
Me, “Try fly paper”

Mate, "You had your hair cut?"
Me, "Yes about a week ago, I didn't like it as first, as I thought it was too short"
Mate, "Really"
Me, "Yes, but it's growing on me now"

Mate, “ Just done a good deed, helped an old man across the road”
Me, “Good for you, I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person last week”
Mate, “That’s very decent of you”
Me, “ The bus company didn’t, they said as a driver it was irresponsible and fired me”.

Mate, “I’m knackered, I’ve been out throwing the ball around for the dog”
Me, “I once threw a ball for my dog”
Mate, “That’s nice”
Me, “Yeah, it was a bit extravagant, but he looked good on the dance floor in a tuxedo”