Being a gay man, I love a good gay joke. Here is one of my favorite corny gay jokes:
How do you get 3 gay men off of your couch?
Jerk one off and the other 2 will cum!

Im hosting a sex toy party in a few hours, I figured I'd better get these things cleaned up and back into their original packaging before anyone shows up!
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Q, What do jelly beans do that humans cant do?
A, Come in different colours

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?

Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.

I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.

'Mummy Mummy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddys stomach last night?'
"I have to do that or Daddys belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny"
'Well thats not going to work'
"Why not darling?"
'Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again'

When a women wears a bikini she exposes 90% of her body. But most men have enough respect to only stare at the clothed bits.. 

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

Man approached a couple of larger ladies at the bar, intending to make a pass, and hoping he'd fuck them later that night,
and said "I caught your accent, you ladies from Scotland?"

They replied, "Wales, you idiot!"

He says, "Sorry, you whales from Scotland?"

Needless to say he got fucked instead fucking them.

Little Johnny and his mother go and visit grandpa in the country for a few days. On the way, Johnny sees two dogs fucking. “Mama, Mama, what are those two dogs doing?”

His mom became flustered. She knew he was not ready for the birds and the bee talk. So, she muttered the first thing that came to her mind, “they are having a fish fry Johnny.”

“Oh, that’s what you call it,” Johnny quietly said.

His mom smiled, she knew she dodged a bullet for a few more years.

They turned off the highway and onto a country road. Within a few miles, “Mommy, look at those two horses. They are having a fish fry.”

His mom smiles, “that’s right Johnny. They are having a fish fry.

They finally reach grandpa’s farm and after dinner on the second night, they sat out in the front porch swing. Two rabbits started going at it and caught Johnny’s eye. “Mommy, Mommy, look at those two rabbits. They are having a fish fry.”

Grandpa started to correct little Johnny, and received a sharp elbow to his rib cage before he got the hint. “Yep, they are having one wing-ding of a fish fry Johnny,” grandpa said with a grin.

Little Johnny and his mom returned home after a few days. His mom made a large dinner for his dad as thanks for allowing her to visit her father. After bath time little Johnny was tucked in for the night.

The mom was horny. She slipped out of her bathrobe, and rode her husband for a while. The headboard was clanking, the moans were even louder, and the spasm of her husband’s cock caused her to climax. Before she could get up to clean herself up she heard the TV in the front room. She became pissed that Johnny snuck back down stairs.

She donned her robe and hurried to the front room. “What are you doing out of bed,” she asked firmly.

“Your fish fry was too loud for me to s-l-e-e-p so I came down to watch TV.”

She became embarrassed, “what on Earth makes you think we were having a fish fry Johnny?”

Little Johnny looks her in the eye, and without missing a beat, “you can’t lie to me mommy. Not while you still have tartar sauce running down your leg.”

Q What's the difference between light and hard?
A You can slee.p with a light on.  
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Q Why is sex like a bridge game?
A You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. 
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Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A.  Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Q Sex is like math. Why?
A Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply! 
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Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back !!! 
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Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
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Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
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Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After five years, your job will still suck.

Boris Johnson

Three old guys sitting on a bench discussing the world

First guy: It´s terrible. When I gotta pee, I squeeze and squeeze for ages but it only dribbles out slowly.

Second guy: You think you got problems? When I shit, I sit on the pot for hours and push for ages before anything happens

Third guy: At 6 o clock I piss like a horse and at 7 o clock I shit like a mule.

Other guys: Wow, lucky you! So what´s the problem?

Third guy: I only wake up at 8 o clock

A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?”

The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

Ahh this is a dick.... Tada!

Coming out of the supermarket the other day, a woman was crying her eyes out saying she'd lost all her holiday money. Felt sorry for her so I gave her 50 quid.

I wouldn't normally do that sort of thing, but I'd just found two grand in the car park.

Why do all alter boys have that hairstyle with the straight part down the middle?

Because the priest likes to stroke the hair that way..

No offense intended. I was raised Catholic.

What did the blond man say to the other blind man?......long time no see? lol

Why did the hippy not believe in the Mississippi

Because hippies don´t marry

Nurse: Sir, you really must stop masturbating

Me: Is it because I could go blind?

Nurse: No, it´s because I´m trying to examine you

Did you hear about the cat that caught coronavirus?
Don't ask me 'ow.

* * * *

A fairground worker recently got the sack. He is suing his bosses for funfair dismissal.

* * * *

I went to the liquor store yesterday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I should fall off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I decided to drink the bottle of Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home!

Three elderly ladies were sitting on a park bench. Suddenly a guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. Two of the ladies had a stroke, the third couldn't reach....

I bought my sneakers off a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with, but I've been tripping all day.

A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk"...? He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story"...?
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired"...!
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply"...?
"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden"..

In the restroom at the restaurant we were at last night there was a sign on the wall that said "Employees must was hands" After waiting 15 damn minutes I got fed up and washed em myself.

Harris/Biden!!!